15 November 2004

Who is K?

I've recently noticed a number of comments from the rest of the Idiot's Guide to Dreaming contributors relating to the mysterious Kempernorton; certainly his unexplained silence seems to be making everyone slightly nervous. Is he still alive? Was he ever real or just some fugged self-projection as a product of my deep ontological insecurity and fear of being engulfed by the other members of An Idiot's Guide?

No, of course not. He's real and, in order to give a flavour of the man, I present an interview with him conducted in 1989 as his now demi-legendary band The Ungrateful Living got blown apart by the coming tides of Britpop...

This transcript of his answers is heavily edited to the point of incomprehensibility and, unfortunately, the questions are lost to poster(ior)ity:


1. Cornwall's equivalent of a favela. Slightly less blind people but more amputee dogs.
2. Mercury Rev 'Yerself is Steam'; I heard the lyrics were by TS Eliot and by the time I realised it wasn't that TS Eliot it was too late...
3. Licking Vodka through broken glass off the pavement outside the Swansea University Student Union building just before the Summer Ball. There's probably others.
3. Because 4 for me is a number to be feared.
5. I saw a band called Curve and realised that if they couldn't do it then we couln't either. Seriously, she must have been forty-five and close up her make-up looked like Tenerife rock formations.
6. He kept chasing small children, saying he wanted to "Gobble them up" and then we ended up in a ruined Mayan temple in the grounds of Singleton Park with what I then thought might have been a murdered squirrel.
7. The Shamen's Phorward album. "Watch them squirrels! Watch them squirrels!"
8. The mid-way point between Edward Scissorhands and Norman Lamont.
9. He looked like a bulldog. His brother was just the same.
10. Blue. Occasionally green.
11. (transcript unreadable due to spoilage)
12. Sex with Sun Ra. Or maybe Delia Derbyshire.
13. Whitehouse - Birth Death Experience. I haven't really worked out the music for the Reception yet but I'd imagine we'd want something by The Cranes.
14. Selloptaped to a Casio DX 7.
15. The smell of patchouli, the taste of TCP.
16. I accidentally smoked Heroin then spent the rest of the evening hanging round the portaloos. Spiritualised and Orbital were pretty good though.

Hope this clears things up.

In the absence of any MP3 posts from Kempernorton himself, here's a few tracks that might well be the kind of thing he posts:

Wilco - I'm the Man Who Loves You
Period Three - Moving Systems (for Sun Ra)
Fourt Tet - As Serious As Your Life (Remix 1)

6 comments:

Psychbloke said...

Nah....still reckon he's a 'chocky mate'...

sil3ntstatic said...

couldnt find an email address...

have a look at coil's site.

-dakota from "the witness exchnage"

kek-w said...

Oh, he's real enough.

It's me that doesn't exist.

Psychbloke said...

Ah....you can't get me with that old reverse solipsism trick.....

kek-w said...

It's not a trick; I genuinely don't exist, and neither do you.

Loki has invented all of us other 'bloggers' as an elaborate cover-story for his rampantly out-of-control MPD. Everytime he gets stressed, another 'blogger' suddenly appears. It could be anyone: a 6 year-old girl from Tiverton, a retired baker from Newport, a middle-aged prostitute from Uraguay, an alsatian...

The fact that he's created you, a psychologist, is a cry for help in itself. But I-I've (sob) said too much already...

Psychbloke said...

Actually - I created him - he'd have been nothing without me.......

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