Ribena Vs Rapeman

The Ribena advert:

Quite apart from the creepy anthropomorphisms (though not as creepy as Kinder Bueno's take on the Restaurant At The End Of The Universe) there's a semantic flicker in the tagline that's giving me the fear.

I mean, do they mean that Ribena take 95% of all available Blackcurrants and then make them into cordial? Is that knowledge of an near-monopoly supposed to make we want to join the Ribena Revolution? It's like counter-counter-counter culture...

And if 95% of blackcurrants do make it then why so many? Where's the Quality Control?

And if Ribena have 95% is that why I'm pretty sure I have never tasted blackcurrants in their natural state, apart from on the top of Cheesecakes (i.e not at all their natural state unless picked on the Lufton Manor Cheesecake farms), when my family spend hundreds of pounds devouring other fruit by the plateful?

Aparently Steve Albini, of Big Black, Rapeman, Shellac 'rocket guitar' fame is with me on the Ribena Wars. He's set up an anti-Ribena docu-site, The Other 5%, which hopes to uncover the truth, or bits of it, in time for Ribena's 70th anniversary celebrations to be held in Desolation, Herts. on September 12th. On the webside people will be encouraged to wear Olive green clothes - the opposite of purple - and join in a ten mile ring around the secret Ribena Depository (location to be released nearer the time to avoid caravanning complications).

Be careful. As Steve says: "Once false move and we'll all be looking for Grape Yoghurt."

Rapeman - Steak and Black Onions
A Yousendit Whatsinaname Complex