I was having a discussion yesterday with a fellow blogger (who will remain nameless only because he'll see it as a vicious slur). he mentioned off hand that blogging makes him paranoid and, well, it got me thinking...
Blogging is a paranoid activity. It starts about you and becomes about everyone else. The sight of a commentless post is like a joke that no one laughs at. You start wondering why certain blogs don't link you even when you've linked them. is it conspiracy? hatred? envy? disgust? You start to feel that somehow these people you've never met oew you something. It's dreadful, childish, petulant. It's Peter Fucking Downstone getting a bigger Starsky and Hutch car than me. It's JC saying my white and striped Mod Boater made me look like an ice cream salesman ( i thought I looked like Paul Weller or Jimmy from Quadrophenia)
You start wondering how many retard limbless spinabifida'd children you might have inadvertently abused, or about how long it's gonna take Warner Bros to start wanting you to link to their bands tracks, or about why no one's replied to the comments you'd left at their site or why everyone's blog looks so much more designed than yours. You start worrying that you'll run out of things to say (this day is one of those) or music to post. What if all the music out there has already been used? What if you post something that's already been posted? The shame, oh the shame...
I think maybe I was a push of love child, an orphan, a last resort.
It's regressive. You wonder and worry about why the big boys never want to play with you. How come Fluxblog or Music for Robots or whoever don't link to me? Why don't I get an interview on Propaganda.com? Don't I have anything to say?
I even looked at Blogshares the other day. Think about that for awhile.
And then I got a grip.
Shortly afterwards I found a great page of MP3 mixes which my lowly modem couldn't hope to be bothered downloading but all you big Broadbanders out there might want to take a look at, especially if you're into Donna Summer, Psychic Tv, Ikue Mori, Marc Almond, Mouse on Mars, Kreidler, Seti, Biosphere, Nurse With Wound, Hecker, Dizzee Rascal, Coil, Throbbing Gristle, Illusions of Safety, Pulseprogramming, Big Black, Skullflower, Fun da mental, COH, Lou Reed, Mum, Cyclobe, Kid 606, Laibach, Fon, Dj Rupture yul brynner yul brynner yul brynner..
And if you want to know the significance of the Paris Catacombs picture then go Here which I stole from Infinite Thought
5 comments:
what are you saying? That you haven't linked me back because you hate me?!!!! X.x
I just started this blogging thing. I'm at songs:illinois linked on MP3blogs.org and webnymph, anyway you're doing a good job. the big boys are the big boys because they started first and have been at it the longest. I've decided to just stick to it, keep posting, be consistent and find a niche (mine is americana/folk/roots music) and have fun with it. Btw you're one of the big boys to some of us...
I'm beginning to learn to love my paranoia...nearly took the counter things off and then figured i kinda liked the obsessive-compulsive nature of this; in my real life I'm WAY too laid back to really get anything creative done...a little 24hr mental disorder now and then can only be a good thing...
FWIW dude; I do the EXACT same thing.
There's just something about blogging that makes you feel like you're so emotionally invested and it leaves you so open, like a raw wound that you can't stop picking at. Or updating. Or checking the comments. Or hit counter. It's sick but it's okay. Honest.
And you're likely to get an interview sooner or later... patience daniel-san...
Oh god, it's true; every word of it. Nicely put, though.
And, aheh, I just realized I forgot to actually put a link to you in my sidebar. Embarassing. The Autechre/Lovecraft post was wonderful, though...
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