The Act Of Naming

Not everything Holy is good. cf. Wolf, Ghost, Panda, Fuck...

But... as the genres cleanse, fold and manipulate; maybe it's time to rearrange our musical thinking around the act of naming. You can't rely on the existing labels either (haunt, hyp, step, skwe,) - why not put the, er, Jung in jungle? The Act of naming may seem throwaway but there's a reality in there, waiting to get out... cf. bloggers internet names - Loki seemed plucked from the air, seemed hasty but... there's a few bitches of malevolence here and there on these pages, a few fake moves, some tiny pranks (this may be one, I'm yet to decide if I'm serious) and some afterthought actions that only retrospectively made sense.

I was serious about this being a good idea, for instance. I still think it's a great idea, especially with regard to The The - Girls Aloud should cover the whole of Infected, a la Pussy Galore.

Cat could be a genre, a nominal.

So, if they haven't already started doing this, I propose record stores start organising their stock by names rather than genres (or even, urgh, decades). You want to buy everything with Ghost in the name?

Factums - Take Drugs

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away (actually Yeovil) I wrote a song called Take Drugs that was intended to be played only be accident. It was rubbish, done on an old Casio SK5, mixing up something unfunky from MAARS, a Lydia Lunch drone and me, as a backward-looking 15 year old, telling myself to take drugs, something in the style of Mel and Kim, or the PWEI appropriation of them.

Yeah, I know. I also used to make tape mash ups of Monty Python records and Health and Safety adverts - fucking sue me...

I never played it because I wanted it just to appear, to turn up on an old tape sometime in the future, hopefully when I needed some definitive guidance, maybe in the depths of an K-Hole (actually more likely to be an A-Hole but...), maybe at a loose moment in time when thing were getting thinner (hair, teeth, skin etc). I liked the idea of my past creeping out at a time when I was least expecting it (a past without an attached County Court Judgement, restraining order, alimony suit, that is). I liked the idea of it just appearing and being only half-remembered.

It did appear once, in an appropriate place, at an appropriate time, somewhere around the depths of Good Hell (Swansea) and now I've found it again... when i get a new cassette Walkman I'll upload it and play it out here... maybe someone else'll find it...

Anyway, this track by Factums has nothing in common except the fidelity and the title. The video is creepy as a one-eyed horse though...

On The Floor Considered As a Downhill 3yr Olds Birthday Party

It’s a new generation (who inbvited that kid? He's been scratching for 15 mins now and I swear his hair is moving without him)(everyone here)
Of party people (what do you mean we didn't order a Clown? Who the hell is that then?)

Darling get on the floor (security services suspect terrorism)
Darling get on the floor (security services suspect press invasion/paedophilia)

Let me introduce you to my party people (I invited Randy, but he's dressed as a bear)
In the club… (aka in the soft play area)

[Pitbull]
I’m (on) loose (women)
And everybody knows I get off the train (after watching that documentary with the guy from Merlin and One Foot In The Grave)
Baby it’s the truth (we lost a child down the back of the inflatable; I'm pretty sure he's stopped breathing)
I’m like inception I play with your brain (like the snow scene in Inception perhaps; now, where's the motherfuckin' wotsits?)
So I don’t sleep I snooze (one eye won't shut due to some awful neuralgia; you try being glamorous and trying to keep Calpol on the spoon at 4.30 in the morning...)
I don’t play no games so don’t get it confused no (quadruple negative here is perhaps some attempt at Neural Linguist Programming; the intention is clearly to remind the children that musical statues is coming up)
Cos you will lose yeah (we've rigged pass the parcel so that our kids win)
Now pump it up (the bouncy castle's fading...)
And back it up like a Tonka truck (we decided not to afford an actual Tonka truck, here's one made by Bruder instead...)




[Jennifer Lopez] (interesting move here to a variation of the never-used monoryhme scheme... perhaps a comment on the self-imposed drudgery of filling party bags?)
If you go hard you gotta get on the floor (assumed to be directed to cleaning staff re: fallen savoury hazards)
If you’re a party freak then step on the floor (the only kid here not a party freak is filling his ears with M & Ms)
If you're an animal then tear up the floor (talking to you, face-paint boy; anyone know if Sharpie washes off? I got these as a shop-spoiled lot from the Beckhams)
Break a sweat on the floor (mispelling; should read 'sweet' - the appropriation of the English term rather than the American - 'candy' - is perhaps a significant move towards Global certainty)
Yeah we work on the floor (the cleaning staff retort)
Don’t stop keep it moving (We don't pay 3 cents over minimum wage for nothing!)
Put your drinks up (directed towards the Dads at the back, some of them already slipping into Kestrel Super comas)
Pick your body up and drop it on the floor (How come concussion isn't on my predictive text? This is gonna be in all the papers tomorrow if we can't figure out how to bury the body...)
Let the rhythm change your world on the floor (I think this is just a commentary on the appropriation of the Lambada theme; the world will change if you squeeze it enough - in fact, let's just get rid off this troublesome World Music tag once and for all eh?)
You know we’re running sh*t tonight on the floor (every parent with small children will understand this feeling)

Brazil Morocco
London to Ibiza
Straight to LA, New York
Vegas to Africa(the wonders of positive discrimination, the paucity of American Geography teaching)

[Chorus]
Dance the night away (until we pack up at 6.30)
Live your life ,and stay young on the floor (Mummy's staying young, look, she can still do the... oh... Can someone call the ambulance?)
Dance the night away (in a hospital waiting room)
Grab somebody drink a little more (fuck, the coffee machine dispenses drinks at a thousand times hotter than the surface of the Sun)
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala (the morphine kicks in...)
Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor (though I'll be sleeping on an old sliding door, trying to realign my vertebrae)

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalala (Morphine, Morpheee Richards, Keith Richards, Keith Harrisand Orville... Is that a pig?)
Tonight we gon’ be it on the floor (I've just brought up some alveoli; I think there may be internal injuries, after all. What does a spleen look like?)

ETC