Records That Never Were

Records I always imagined into being that never came. More to come later.

1. The Throbbing Gristle football 12"

2. The 'Bedrock' themed Foetus album (and the associated E-Z Kline photonovel) - he seemed almost on the brink of doing something like that and then got sidetracked into fucking metal. And of course the related Chico album.

3. The Momus / Coil collaboration - perhaps a Derek Jarman tribute, perhaps a song about Viking Sex Robots destroying Paris while a parapelegic 40 year old sex siren watches from a Hotel Balcony. The Coil in the closet, "Lovesongs To Girls" album would've been good too. You try pulling anyone while he's yelling about anal staircases.

4. The definitive version of Stakker Humanoid.

5. The My Bloody Valentine album that matched the great whorls of sound and beautiful rage that they pulled from under the covers one night at the Camden Falcon as the floor began to melt- instead we got the quiet storms of Loveless - great album but...

6. The Shamen album that seemed to have been prevented by drowning.

7. A version of Wink's 'Higher State of Consciousness' without the interruptions of those annoying cymbal crashes. I hate those cymbal crashes - i know they were originally in there as midi triggers or something but no one seems to have noticed that the utility has passed.

8. A late period Psychic TV album without the slaphead bass...

9. All the acid house tracks that didn't follow on from where Jack The Tab left off... it's still annoying that the potential (not even realised on that album) for a truly psychedelic, dancey songset never emerged and everyone had to make do with Primal Scream and the Happy Mondays.

10. The song in my head where someone is rushing through the forest, drenched in fog and finds themselves in a clearing full of cackling blackcapped jesters and characters from Ligotti short-stories.

11. The jungle track where someone actually shakes off all their own limbs in a frantic attempt to keep up with the beat. I almost saw this happen once, so perhaps it does exist but I'm buggered if i could find it again. Course could have been the coffee slammers.

12. That version of Tainted Love.

13. A concept album that sounds like the final few chapters of Trillions.

14. A Goa / Psy Trance track that has extensive sample of Terence Mckenna talking about something other than machine elves or altered state of consc-ious-ness or entheogens, for example something on the perfect way to polish shoes.

15. The album that everyone else seems to hear when they play the Beach Boys 'Pet Sounds' - the Panda bear album is pretty near, I reckon.