28 March 2005

The Faerie Rock Queen

This post is just born out of sheer malevolence. Some people will know what I mean, apologies for those who don't, I know how this lark can seem as pointlessly nepotistic/incestuous as a Roman bacchanal but I just couldn't resist....,

PJ Harvey is a Goddess, a Faerie Rock Queen, an Icon of Femininity. She lights up all our lives, blesses us with her music, anoints us with her woven poesie, assaults our senses with her heartfelt politics, pisses all over her pathetic imitators (Patti Smith, stand up now).

And she's also the subject of one of my only Rock star anecdotes.

It's not great, but the other ones might bring legal claims and/or shame on the family Loki.

Okay, it centers around my sex-obsessed, mildly neurotic friend (we'll call him Karl, because that was his name; no way he'll sue he barely gets out of the house nowadays) who was trying to chat her up at a party (this is back when her Rock career extended to playing geetar in the, er, legendary Automatic Dlamini). We'd somehow convinced him that PJ was a Turkish refugee and had very limited English (for some reason her eyebrows helped in this illusion) and he spent the best part of half an hour talking to her like she was an idiot in a slow-motion linguistic Yes Sir! seduction ritual that wouldn't have looked out of place in The Office.

PJ, her middle-class grace shining through, sat through this patiently, perhaps assuming he was retarded (not far off as it happens; even then her psychological insight could make me cry) before getting up and saying...

Answers in a comment box please.

PJ Harvey - Dress(High Fashion Remix)


PJ Harvey - Wang Dang Doodle

16 comments:

kek-w said...

"Çişim geldi!"

Iron Mike said...

"I'm really sorry...you seem like a really nice boy, but my period's just started..."

Linda Ronstadt said...

"My dad knows Ronnie Wood."

sonik da headhog said...

"Fuck..............Off........you.......little......oik."

J. G. Posada said...

"Oh, it's so great to meet a man who's not put off by female facial hair...."

Cottie Burland said...

"You're not Greek, are you?"

martin the moose said...

"Sorry, but I'm already shagging John Parish and Rob Eliis..."

Krazy Krab said...

"Your range-rover...or mine?"

Albert Crowley said...

"Oh wow...You're Nick Cave!"

Republic of Replicants said...

"Are you related to Woody Allen?"

farmer glitch said...

I've a lovely little pad down in West Bay - want ta see me etchings ?

Anonymous said...

Did you actually suggest that Patti Smith is a PJ Harvey imitator? What the fuck? Whoa, have you reaaaaaally got it wrong. Check your facts, and then come back to class.

the X said...

-Dear "anonymous", i *think* he was being ironic...(?)
Have a nice day.;)

Loki said...

yeah, sorry anon, a little irony creeping around the sides there... but I may come back to class anyway; you can never have too much education...

BTW, I've just been informed by an old friend that the girl in the anecdote WAS a Turkish refugee and everyone else at the party had conspired against me by convincing me it was PJ... weird how sometimes the gap between joke and punchline can stretch for years...

and what she said was...

Sie haben die Augen einer toten Schlange (i'm paraphrasing)

I always wondered why Turkey and Germany always vote for one another on Eurovision. Now I know...

the X said...

Err, "you have a dead snake in your eye"???
(ok, i'll admit my um, "german-skills" isn't exactly up to scratch...!(?)
yours, X

Loki said...

more or less, yes. 'you have the eyes of a dead snake' (unless my german is off - could well be). maybe it loses something in the tranlation. still, she did seem a weird puppy.

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