20 November 2004

Pain Don't Hurt


Patrick Swayze is at the hospital - you know we're gonna see that Doctor nekkid at some point; she's just gonna shake down that hair and remove the specs - being sewn up; he's a Philosophy PhD and the most famous bouncer in the world (James Bond is the most famous spy) - he doesn't want drugs in his system, he hates that shit, he'll end up dropping his invisible tai-chi balls. It's then he speaks the best line in Modern Cinema:

"Pain don't Hurt"

And we know that Roadhouse is the greatest film ever made.

Blind slide guitarist with headbutt echo location and crazy smile? Check.
Does he have to play behind a cage? You bet!
Swayze evil alter-ego dressed in Black, slightly latino looking? Check.
Do they get wet? Yep, they do.
Vole/Varmit piss weak Stoat look-a-like who works behind the bar and steals from 'honest' bar owner and doesn't get sacked because of high profile father? Check.
Does the Swayze sort 'im out? Hell, yeah!
Mystifying kung-fu moves taught to earnest and good intentioned fat guys in a matter of seconds? Check
Older Swayze alter-ego who's both a clean-living aesthete and horny old dog with a vicious past and a hairdo out of a Marlboro ad? He's here alright.
Is he played by Sam Elliot? Of course he is...
Hang on, where's Ben Gazarra? Oh, there he is. Thank God.

It's the eternal battle of God against Evil, a cybernetic distillation and prophecy of sweeping capitalism, in-car No Logo netbook TV tie-ins and made for measure Sky++++ on-tap action sequences. Each character is a Wittgensteinian spew at the limits of language - "pain don't hurt"; ethics are unconsolable in the face of the impossibility of private language. The Swayze is L'Etranger played with bare chests and plucked eyebrows; his ontology continually questioned, his qualia never fully understood.

Each battle is fought midway between Sun Tzu, General Patton and Jasper Conran.

Roadhouse documents the dying light of the old West, a badland still fruiting at the music of Kung Fu and David Carradine's eyes.

And Swayze has perfect hair throughout


Psychbloke said...

That post was a long time coming....

Anonymous said...

"Blind slide guitarist with headbutt echo location and crazy smile? Check."

That's Jeff Healy! Being Canadian, I am obliged to be proud of that fact.

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